I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm just crazy horny about you
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
