Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
