If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
