the day after is always just damage control
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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