Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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