I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
