I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
They are going to name an STD after you.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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