I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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