Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
