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if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
