i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
