i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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