His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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