Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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