giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's blow job season.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
