I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
