I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
