but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
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