Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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