If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
