You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
