im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize