i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
