never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
