Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
