my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
