But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
