they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
