Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
