I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize