apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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