he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
