It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
