just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
