Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
