I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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