I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
