and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
