I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
