you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
