I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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