i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
