he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
