Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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