Christians are straight up FREAKS
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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