you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
