ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Randomize
