Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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