His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
