i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
