The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
