Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
