mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
