Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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