I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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