My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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