'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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