The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
