Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
