Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Small penises have feelings too.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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