when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
