I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
