Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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