So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize