why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
