Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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