oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
ok first of all what the fuck
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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