If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
