Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
