I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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