You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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