splinters make it hard to masturbate
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
