I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
