my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
