it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
